I remember an incident in my adolescence that had a big impact on my life. I was only a teenager and wasn’t paying close attention while driving my father’s new truck. I got too close to a fence and scratched the fender. I was sick about it, and I dreaded telling my father. However, I will never forget his response. He said, “It’s only a few scratches, and it can be fixed, and I am sure that you learned a lesson.” That is all he said. He could have gotten angry. He could have shown his disappointment and told me he expected so much more from me, but he didn’t. That would have been expected. After all, I had scratched a brand-new truck, and I was sure he was disappointed. However, his response made me want to learn to be more careful. Immediately, the dread and fear that I had carried were gone. My father believed children have to try things to learn, and they will not do it perfectly, but if they don’t try, how will they learn? My wife and I tried to do the same with our children. If I hadn’t had my father’s example, I am sure it would have been much harder for me to take this approach with my own children.
Sometimes it is hard to remember that our children are learning from the day they are born. We are their teachers. We can facilitate their learning, or we can frustrate and hinder it. In my years of counseling, I have encountered grown men who still recall the words their fathers spoke to them when they made mistakes: “You are stupid!” “You never learn anything.” “You will never amount to anything.” Those words are seared into their brains and haunt them whenever they face a challenge. Likewise, words of encouragement help a child to grow and develop with confidence. As parents, our part is to help our children learn through encouragement and affirmation. It works because I experienced it as a child.